[Week 1] Open Topic

[gardeningatnight]

I  don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

The First Friday Forum at the museum had gotten downright contentious. There were always folks with strong opinions and those who liked to stir the pot—but I cannot remember any time that there was actual yelling, or tears. It was even worse than the time the museum had lost their National Endowment for the Humanities grant because of a clerical error on the renewal form. The community was beginning to fracture, and though no one knew it, it was my fault.

***

 

The first time it happened, I was half convinced it was a fever dream. How else does one rationalize waking up to discover they’ve grown a cat head in the middle of the night? I never intended to get the museum tangled up in my personal problems. It was more that I panicked, and it seemed like something they would be interested in. So, I carefully removed it from my shoulder, packed it up, and sent it off. 

 

I regretted it almost immediately.

 

Yet, when it happened again months later, I did the same thing.

***

It was about a year later that the exhibit opened. Three mysterious, disembodied cat heads in a glass display case were now available for public viewing. The interpretive labels indicated that they were an “anonymous gift,” and noted that they were perfectly preserved despite no evidence of known embalming or taxidermy techniques.

***

 

The worst part was that there was no way of knowing when another would arrive. It wasn’t like a menstrual cycle where you can plan to wear your black trousers and replenish your tampon supply in advance. Believe me, I started obsessively logging everything in my life I could think of: food intake, stress, exercise habits, when I had sex, how many hours of sleep I got, what birds I saw that day. There was no correlation. It was one hundred percent unpredictable. Do you know how hard it is to date under these circumstances? There was even one time that I was sure it was over, because I went two years without any felid growths. Alas, my living nightmare always returned.

***

 

So, the collection grew. Eventually there was an entire hall of disembodied cat heads — tigers, calicos, soft grays and sleek blacks and crisp whites. Each one flawlessly formed and perfectly proportioned. By now they’d used a variety of scanning techniques to study the specimens, but still had learned very little. At least one graduate student had written their thesis on them. And while it was a popular exhibit, which drew a steady stream of visitors (and thus provided a steady stream of revenue), the larger it grew, the more it attracted other attention.

Initially it was just one young woman with a hand-drawn placard protesting what she viewed as animal cruelty. The museum issued a press release explaining that there was no evidence of any of the heads having ever been attached to any sort of spinal structure. They had made quite sure before opening the exhibit that no actual cats had been beheaded. Unfortunately, that just drew more attention. Soon that lone woman was a full-fledged picket line. That was when the museum board announced that this month the First Friday Forum would be dedicated entirely to discussing the Feline Fascinations exhibit. 

 

***

 

Within a week, in addition to the protestors, there were also counterprotestors. The counterprotestors mostly held signs in support of the museum, although a few seemed to simply be contrarians. Law enforcement was brought in to ensure that patrons could safely enter the facility. A local news affiliate sent their satellite van and a small crew to report from the scene.

In the midst of the chaos, a little girl dropped her stuffed animal (of course it was a cat). One of the protestors grabbed it from the ground and hoisted it into the air, yelling something that was completely unintelligible over the din of the crowd. Someone else snatched it away, triggering an impromptu and aggressive game of keep away that didn’t end until someone was handcuffed for knocking over the chief of police.

I don’t know if the girl ever got her toy back. 

 

***

 

I called one of those anonymous mental health lines. I didn’t tell them the specifics, of course. Just the years of shame and self-loathing I’d been feeling, and how that was now mixed with guilt for how my “problem” was spilling into the community. We talked about how secrets have a way of growing out of control. They suggested that I might feel better if I stopped trying to hide.

It was sound advice; the thing is, I don’t want to become the thing that is studied.

Maybe I can just bury them in the woods, instead. 

 

Comments

[humanbeansradio]

This was delightfully weird and confidently absurd, and I mean both of those as high compliments. I loved how seriously everyone treated something so completely bizarre, and there was more sneakily placed metaphor going on underneath the absurdity than I expected. Really enjoyed this!

[gardeningatnight]

"delightfully weird and confidently absurd" was what I was aiming for, so I'm so glad that it came through!

While there has not been anything quite this bizarre in my small town, I do help to admin a local Facebook community and can assure you that people treat all manner of ridiculous things very seriously. See also: working in higher education.

[simplyn2deep]

I love that the narrator’s response to mysteriously growing cat heads is basically, “Well, I guess the museum might want these,” and then accidentally creates an entire cultural controversy. The escalation from three mysterious cat heads in a display case to graduate theses, protesters, counterprotesters, police, news crews, and someone getting arrested during a fight over a little girl’s stuffed cat was wonderfully ridiculous.

[gardeningatnight]

Thank you for reading!

[hafnia]

This is very fun — I love that we skip the "how" and "why" and focus instead on the logistics and problem of what to do with the heads. Where they come from is a mystery to the narrator, who accepts that it is, and so moves onto the next step: ugh, what do I do? Excellent stuff, reminds me of Kelly Link (this is a good thing).

[gardeningatnight]

Thank you so much! I had no idea if people would be willing to go along with my strange tale, but I had a lot of fun writing it.

[pixiebelle]

This was so fascinating! I love how unexpected and weird it was. It kept me hooked until the end.

[gardeningatnight]

Thank you! That means a lot coming from you. <3

[bleodswean]

This is well written and superbly strange, a great combination. I'm sure it's an analogy for something or other...just not certain what that might be. Nice to have to think a bit with my morning coffee.

[gardeningatnight]

It could be an analogy. Or it could be inspired by the time when I was half asleep and told my spouse that sometimes I grow a cat head while I sleep, and when he questioned why he'd never seen one, I told him I donated them to the museum.

I mean, there are plenty of ideas swirling around in here, amongst the absurdity.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

[adoptedwriter]

Ha! Funny!

[gardeningatnight]

When I pitched the idea to kandigurl (half joking in exasperation) she responded with the laugh-cry emoji and a lot of encouragement. I'm glad people have been entertained.

[bsgsix]

This is such a perfectly strange, curious, and absurd story - and I adore it for that reason. It almost feels like a dream, despite the fact it reads in such a factual way. Your talent shines in your ability to weave the absurd into the real in such a convincing and fascinating work. I ADORE this. <3

[gardeningatnight]

There is a lot in here that is very heavily inspired by both my years working in higher education, and my experiences of living in a small town, which can be a bit of an absurd experience even without mysterious cat heads.

I'm so glad that people have enjoyed my weird, absurd little story. In my house, we all tell each other lots of preposterous little tales because we are all very weird and silly people. I decided that I wanted to bring a little of that into my writing over here.

[drippedonpaper]

I love the deeper truth in this. We do (usually) feel better when we quit trying to hide and let the chips fall as they may. If people reject the "oddities" within us, maybe they never truly loved or accepted us.

I totally get the line "I don't want to become the thing that is studied." One might be unique, but when one is studied, somehow, that seems to rob us of our humanity. Then the focus is "the rare problem" rather than ...adjusting around it.

Your entry is really making me think. Thank you!

[gardeningatnight]

I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story, and picked up on the undercurrents of it and came away with thinky-thoughts. My favorite stories to read are the ones that lead me to ask bigger questions while I'm getting absorbed in the story, so I'm glad that I achieved a little of that with my own writing.

[muchtooarrogant]

So, this person starts mysteriously growing cat heads, and their first reaction isn't shock, or terror, or WTF?, but instead, "You know what I think I'll do, remove this and donate it to the museum." (grin) Now that's a dedicated patron!

So, I carefully removed it from my shoulder,
Um, OUCH!!!

This was fun.

Dan

[gardeningatnight]

We all deal with uncomfortable situations in our own ways.

So, I did think about the removal, and ultimately started to imagine it as being similar to an episode of the X-Files called "Humbug" with a character named Lanny with a smaller conjoined twin that could detach himself from the body. Or possibly how lizards can drop their tails to escape predators... so a little uncomfortable, but nothing too gory because I'm super uncomfortable with blood.

I'm glad you thought it was fun.

[inchoatewords]

This is delightfully absurd. I like how the first paragraph made me think something else was going on, and then, boom, cat head!

[gardeningatnight]

When I first started, my big decision was about how early to reveal the absurdity of it all. Initially I was going to drag it out more, but decided that I wasn't looking for a big twist and reveal kind of tale so much as I was looking for an exploration of the absurd.

[shadaras]

I love how weird this problem is, and how matter-of-fact the idea of "what if I send this to the museum" feels when it's just one unexpected detachable cat head. Burying them in the woods might lead to other questions in time, but perhaps cryptid myths will be easier to handle...?

This was really fun to read! <3

[gardeningatnight]

Thanks for reading. :)

There are so many different ways that people "deal" with their problems. Some of us try to research and find answers, and others ... do whatever this is.

[supremegoddessofall]

Someone else who is a fan of the "***" as separators. I approve.

[gardeningatnight]

It's easier than trying to recover the snippets of html that fell out of my brain.

[halfshellvenus]

I liked the bizarreness of this, and also the ways in which it might affect dating and other forms of socialization.

And in any protest scenario, aren't there always, ultimately, contrarians? They just can't help themselves.

[gardeningatnight]

And a protest of this nature seems like it would be especially likely to draw contrarians. They can't resist the siren song of the absurd.

[kandigurl]

You already know I love this! I'm glad you went with this idea, it's delightfully weird. :)

[gardeningatnight]

I'm glad that I blurted it out, and that your reaction was basically "Oh, yes, write that!" and that I listened to you.

[banana_galaxy]

This is making me think about all the times I've thought about trying to find the right balance between living my authentic self and my desire to not be judged.

But indeed, if I was living out this kind of scenario, I also wouldn't want to be studied. XD

[gardeningatnight]

It's kind of funny to me that my intro touched on authenticity, and then this entry explores the idea of "Yeah, but like, what if it's *really* weird?"

[penpusher]

It's always so fun to read a story about something extraordinary that is treated as something like mundane as a rule, but then still is highly irregular, anyway. I'd like to think that's why "The Addams Family" has had extreme popularity over generations! This feels like it could check some of those same boxes, and/or could certainly be expanded, if the interest is there...

[gardeningatnight]

I spend a fair bit of time reflecting on how a lot of what is considered mundane is actually really extraordinary or weird, so it makes sense I guess that my brain would explore the inverse, as well.

Finding similarities to the Addams Family is quite flattering. Thank you.

[ofearthandstars]

I feel like there is some deeper analogy here I should unravel, but I enjoy it so much on its face as the absurd and wonderful piece that it is that I don't want to risk untangling it! 💜

[gardeningatnight]

That is a valid reading! When I started writing, my goal was to pen an absurd little tale of weirdness.

[n3m3sis43]

This was so weird (in a good way). I really enjoyed it!

[gardeningatnight]

Thank you! I was going for weird, so mission accomplished. :)

[adore]

Delightfully strange.

That feeling of not being in control of what your body does, and how that can affect one and restrict one's life, was well captured.

[gardeningatnight]

Thank you! (I often call my daughter "my delightful weirdo" so delightfully strange gives me the warm fuzzies).

[krispykritter]

This was really fun! If you grow another cat head send one my way! Grin.

[gardeningatnight]

I'll try, but you know, shipping fees have gotten so outrageous.

[poppetawoppet]

I love how casually mundane this is, except of course that one thing. Very Twilight Zone of you

[gardeningatnight]

Thank you! I have always felt that absurdity lands best when you approach it with a certain amount of deadpan.

[rayaso]

This was wonderful! I loved the idea of the spontaneous cat heads, and the fact that they become a controversial exhibit was great! This was so creative!

[purplepetrichor]

I loved the cat heads and how weird this was.

[lapis_lazuli615]

Museums are such a fun place to speculate!

And yeah, personal problems spilling over into the community is absolutely a guilt trip.

[thepythianscroll]

That was wonderfully bizarre. Very well written with a strong, confident voice. This was an entertaining read.