Sticking With Something

Sep. 26th, 2026 06:15 pm
adpazd: (Default)
[personal profile] adpazd
I'm usually one who gets super excited about starting something, going in completely and enthusiastically... And then quitting after a couple of weeks. House cleaning programs like Fly lady. Self betterment programs like 101 in 1001. Everything I seem to try, I can't sustain.

Until a friend introduced me to Finch.

I don't know what it is about this app, but I've only missed one day in 614. It feels like an accomplishment. I'm not nearly as gung ho as I was. At one point, I had around 70 tasks to do every day. Most of them are simple, but can be tough when I'm the throes of depression. Like "Get out of bed". In the beginning, I was doing all these tasks every day. When I found that I could change how often I did some of the tasks, I paired things down, put most of the writing related tasks (like "Ask a friend what good qualities they think you have") less regularly - once a week, once a month, etc. It changed from being a chore back to something fun.

I've had friends that have started Finch, some for awhile and others giving it up after a couple weeks. I like being able to share goals, give me some accountability. And it makes me smile when I send them gifts through the app. Especially when I get a gratitude message from them.

The problem is that Finch is great for my mental health but trying to get other responsibilities and things I want to do doesn't for as well. When I was younger, when the kids were younger, I had a weekly cleaning schedule that I kept. I made time to work on creative things. I was part of more communities. I played regular D&D. Now I'm having truffle scheduling anything and keeping to it

My therapist is helping me with this, though I haven't been working with him long. He's good at reminding me to take baby steps with things. It's teasing out the baby steps that's the hard part.

I'll get there. Eventually. I just have to remember one of the mantras I use. "Every step gets me closer to where I want to be, regardless of how small the step is."
ofearthandstars: A single tree underneath the stars (Default)
[personal profile] ofearthandstars
This is an (optional!) writing prompt for Week 1 of [community profile] therealljidol - Stuck Between Stations. This entry contains sensitive content. ( Read more... )
kandigurl: (Default)
[personal profile] kandigurl
I’ve never wanted to kill myself.

This is the story of a time I had to go to the bathroom. Which meant I had to somehow make it to the bathroom.

A few days earlier, I’d experienced a back spasm leaning over to take out the trash. Since then, the muscles in my low back and hips that normally held me upright when I needed to do things like walk or stand - they’d all been replaced with a loose, useless rubber band that seared with pain if I pulled it too far.

Getting out of bed to go to the bathroom meant first rolling over. Rolling over pulled on the rubber band, and it screamed. So I changed tactics to gripping the edge of the bed and using my arms to pull my body over. This still upset the rubber band, but in short bursts, rather than prolonged agony.

When I finally made it to the edge, I tried to use my arms as a lever to prop myself up. But I could only get up on my elbow. Any further, and the pain threatened to rip through me again.

New tactic.

I slowly let my legs drop off over the edge of the bed. But getting that far pulled on the rubber band again. I could not support myself in a kneeling position, so I was stuck clinging to the bed, trying to figure out my next move. Letting go meant pain. Pulling back up meant pain.

I tried to slowly shift one arm from the edge of the bed to the floor. When I was able to get there, I thought perhaps I could bring the other arm down, and crawl on all fours to the bathroom. I loosened my grip on the bed with my right arm, dropping it to the floor.

I supported myself for maybe half a second before my back caved in, the rubber band violently protesting. Are you kidding? It shouted. There is nothing here to hold you up. Why are you trying?

I collapsed again, face first on the floor. The toilet, a mere ten steps from my bed, was still miles away. I began dragging myself, one agonizing arm pull at a time, until I reached the threshold of the bedroom and the bathroom. When I got there, I had to stop and rest.

Resting was a mistake. My brain began to fizzle, my thoughts rambunctious with no place to go.

“What if you never make it? What if you are stuck here forever? What if you soil yourself here on the floor, alone, with no way to get back into bed?

"And what will you even do when you get to the toilet? How will you get up to sit on it? How will you wipe?

“And how will you get back? What if you die here? Why
not just die here? What’s the point of living if you can’t even get yourself to the bathroom?”

I lay there, thinking. Not thinking. Spiraling. I lay there. It felt like hours. I had to move. I could not move. I lay there.

Finally, I do not know how, I kept pulling. I was able to drag myself the remaining feet - the remaining football field away - to the cold linoleum just below the toilet.

We needed to clean it. What an impossible idea, cleaning the toilet. How can one clean when one can’t even stand? How can one work? How can one cook? How can one drive?

How can one live?


I shifted my body until I was able to reach up and grab the edge of the counter. I pulled, screaming, until I was hovering over the toilet. I held myself up with one arm on the counter, one on the tub. I wept. I did what I had come to do.

I have no memory of how I got back. I have no idea how long it took, how I was able to pull myself back onto the mattress and settle once more into a fitful, still position.

I would later learn that bed rest was the opposite of what I needed. That a rotation of pain medication could keep the angry rage of my midsection at a dull roar. That all the yoga I did was actually making things worse, and I needed to strengthen, not stretch - a more boring and less sensorily enjoyable activity. That a band for lumbar support layered under a corset and the use of a cane could keep me upright enough to be functional at work.

I would never fully heal, my back continues to have ups and downs, good weeks and bad weeks. But so far, I have not found myself on that floor again. Where I didn’t want to kill myself. But I didn’t want to live.

FridayFive: what if

Sep. 26th, 2026 01:17 pm
ofearthandstars: A single tree underneath the stars (Default)
[personal profile] ofearthandstars
From [community profile] thefridayfive (but late answers, per usual):

1. If you could instantly become an expert in something, what would it be?
I think I'm inclined here to say survivalist, but in a sustainable way - my gardening/mending/repairing/building/foraging/growing skills could all use a boost.

2. If you could do anything in the world as your career, what would you do?
If I could go back in time, I would have done more to orient myself towards climate modeling, communicating risks, and mitigation policy, but I don't know. I am where I am right now, and I'm trying to hold out hope that I'll end up in the right place as I get to answer the big three better. (The big three being: (1) What are you good at/what are your skills? (2) what is the work that needs doing? and (3) what brings you joy?)

3. If you could be immortal, what age would you choose to stop aging at and why?
I'd say sometime between 28-33, before things really started to hurt and I started feeling more tired.

4. If you could be any supernatural creature, what would you be and why?
I guess I'd probably go with dryad.

5. If you had to teach a class on one thing, what would you teach?
Well, I could teach about the Clean Air Act, or climate and policy/regulation in general, but I think probably 5 people might show up. Beyond that, I could teach a class on how to have big feelings and finding places to put them that don't harm others.

I attended a local writer's group today and the speaker, from a local "traditional" publishing house, was such an absolutely fantastic presenter - speaking to looking at writing from a publishing and reader's standpoint, and answering all the room's questions with such passion and encouragement. I'm really glad I took the time to go, even though it did carve 3 hours out of an already busy day. Now to clean house and prep for next week's trip!

clauderainsrm: (Default)
[personal profile] clauderainsrm posting in [community profile] therealljidol
 The poll is still active: therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1229460.html
So make sure to be reading, commenting and VOTING for your favorites! 

The optional prompt is also out there for anyone wanting to use it/have something extra to read and comment on, even if there is no voting! therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1229917.html

I managed to see five movies yesterday. The first two I was actually the only person in the theater, and the third I was one of two people! Granted, these were at the AMC during regular work hours. But considering that one of those only had a single showing every day (Hello Beautiful) I suspect that it wont be in theaters long. 

I forgot that because of the holiday, I wasn't getting overtime for anything over 40, I received comp time! I was actually just looking at that the other day wondering where it came from. Now that I've seen my overtime check, I know now! :D 

Monday's plans are now up in the air. But regardless of what I end up doing on the actual day, it will still be a nice weekend celebration with the movie/show tomorrow.  It does end up solving some of the "how am I going to fit this stuff in/what should I do about the cake" nonsense though! These things have a way of working themselves out. 


   ***

That "Season 5" question has led me down a far bigger rabbit hole than I was expecting. I think I mentioned part of it as an aside, but I'd forgotten how much of a thing it had been in the moment.  That Sidebar should be interesting. 

***

Back to the movies though - those first 3 movies all had me crying toward the end ("Tears of joy"). Hello Beautiful, Ha-Chan, Shake Your Booty and You Had To Be There. (OK, the tears on that last one was when they were remembering the force of nature that was Gilda Radner). 

Granted, it could be because I'm really emotional right now!


When was the last time a movie. show, emotionally manipulated commercial, had you crying tears of joy? 
adpazd: (Default)
[personal profile] adpazd
... But getting my laptop out is more than I can do today. Last night, every single muscle group in my body decided to seize up. All of them. Which meant sleep was iffy.

I'd had plans to dive into some cleaning today but I'm hurting. Primarily my hips through my calves with a little bleed over into my back. It's bad enough that I had to use Daddy's cane to get out to the porch. I've been dealing with the pain off and on for the last couple of weeks, but never as bad as today or last night.

Thankfully, I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I didn't remember what is originally made it for... A check up with my doctor, probably. But I'm going to mention the muscle tightness and spasms, the balance issues I'm having again, and the knee and ankle pain. I've had my doctor as my PCP for over 20 years, so she's seen and heard all that my body has done over the years. This probably won't surprise her.

Last night I reached out to my FWB (that's a FWOB at the moment until some of his shit is taken care of). He's a roadie for several companies here in Nashville so I figured he was busy with it, but also figured I should check in with him. Things are looking up for him. He's making steady money which will help get him through the lean months, and he's union now which gets him much needed health insurance. We chatted for a bit. He's also my movie buddy but between his schedule at work and my various trips, I'm not sure what movie we'll see next.

Instead of losing myself in the computer, I'm going to lose myself in reading. When I was at the library last weekend, I picked up several books. It's the first time in a long time that I went print instead of audio. I'm currently reading The London Séance Society by Sarah Penner and it's just the kind of thing I need right now - murder, 19th century Spiritualism, sapphic characters.... And I'm getting to use my pretty new metal Pisces bookmark.

I know I've got some replies that I want to make, but I think for now I'm going to set my phone aside, pick up my book, and enjoy the warm sunshine on my legs.

Green Room - Week 1 - Day 11

Sep. 25th, 2026 01:22 am
clauderainsrm: (Default)
[personal profile] clauderainsrm posting in [community profile] therealljidol
 Obviously this is still very early. We haven't had an elimination and nearly everyone is still in the "I'm just happy to be here" mode. Including me. 

But while we are here, and feeling this way, I just wanted to say "Thank You".. Not just for coming out, although yeah, that has meant a great deal to me. But also for loving Idol in general. (Or for those newbies, taking the chance on Idol!) 

For those playing "Gary: The Home Game", this is the first year in a few that I'm not approaching my birthday wishing that I was dead. Which might be more real talk than anyone wanted, but is also the truth. Idol is just a part of that, but between my insomnia and Idol, that was the bulk of my last therapy session.  (I'm sure Idol will find a way to make it into most of the ones from now until the end! Hopefully in good ways!) 

Getting to Year 20 has been a goal post for me during the dark parts, and I'm not entirely sure what will happen after that is complete. But being here, with all of you, I just have to make sure you know just how much this means to me. 

Don't worry, I'll put the "I'm going to kick all your damn hippies/get off my lawn" face again. But I'm really feeling that gratitude tonight and I wanted to make sure to express it. 

***

Our first poll is happening, so please get out there and read, comment and vote for your favorites! Make sure to spread some love!  And tell your friends about what great stuff they are missing out on, and encourage them to come over to read some of it for themselves!  Idol has survived for 20 years by word of mouth! So do your part to keep that tradition going! therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1229460.html

T
here is also a non-mandatory prompt out there for the people who were going stir crazy having to wait until Tuesday for the next regular prompt! I wanted to make sure you had something to do!  therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1229917.html


*
**
For real though. I'm really happy to see all of you here. Except you.  You know who you are.  (No, the other one. The one standing behind... it doesn't matter... like I said, you know who you are! ;)   ) 

I hope this is a great season. From the Week 1 entries to the comments in the Green Room, it feels like we're off to a good start! 

Green Room - Week 1 - Day 10

Sep. 24th, 2026 06:43 am
clauderainsrm: (Default)
[personal profile] clauderainsrm posting in [community profile] therealljidol
 The most important thing going on right now is the poll for Week 1! therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1229460.html

T
echnically speaking, the most important thing is my birthday. But in the context of things you need to keep on your radar... nope. still my birthday. Hmmm... in the context of things that immediately matter to... nope. Still my birthday! 

The most important thing going on that will be eliminating someone... nope. Birthday. 

The SECOND most important thing going on is the poll.  Make sure to read, comment and vote for your favorites! If anything (non-birthday) matters, that's it! Show them some love!

For people who want a little extra though, there is an EXTRA, non-mandatory prompt happening: therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1229917.html

It's just a little something from the Idol archives. Until I saw it listed on my master list of every Idol prompt, I'd completely forgotten about it!  


***

It's the start of a new "movie week", so I figured I'd list the ones I'm excited about, or at least vaguely interested in. Maybe you will be as well: 

I still haven't seen Resident Evil but I keep hearing really good things about it. MAYBE I'll see it, as early as I can during the day and watch at least 3 more movies afterward.  :D
Also still haven't seen Runner. So-so reviews. If I miss it until it comes out on streaming, no huge loss. 

(Speaking of streaming - I had to renew Paramount Plus in order to watch Survivor. My antenna can't pick up CBS. Addiction over personal ethics apparently. Not a proud moment.  But I DID notice that TUNER is streaming.  That wasn't in theaters for very long, but it was the last movie I watched at AMC before I got the A List. It convinced me to do it, so I could see more movies like that!  It didn't get a lot of press, but it's really good. Planning on watching it again.) 

But back to looking at the AMC showtimes and then moving over to the Sun-Ray listing to talk about movies *actually in theaters right now*: 

The Avengers Endgame: Encore  - It's back in theaters in preparation for Doomsday. I want to see it on the big screen again!
Primetime - OMG I've been waiting for this one since I saw the trailer! The story behind "To Catch a Predator". When did Robert Pattinson become such a good actor??? Was I sleeping on those Twilight movies???? Let me know. 
Heart of the Beast - Feel good movie of the late Summer/early Fall.  Brad Pitt's "Love Between a Man and his Dog" (but not in the FBI way)  adventure story. 

Charlie Harper  - I don't remember much about this trailer, just that I made a mental note that it looked good.
The Stunt Driver - this looks great!
Ha-Chan, Shake Your Booty!  - see above. 
You Had to Be There: How the Toronto Godspell Ignited the Comedy Revolution, Spread Love & Overalls - This is literally only showing at one AMC location. one showing a day.  I'm cutting and pasting the description though, because I didn't know this story, and maybe you didn't either: 
Martin Short, Eugene Levy, Gilda Radner, Victor Garber, Paul Shaffer, and other entertainment icons got their start in a 1972 Toronto production of the musical Godspell. Featuring interviews with the surviving cast members, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Mike Myers, and more, the film recounts a pivotal moment in comedy history, in hilarious, moving, and inspiring detail. Executive produced by Judd Apatow.

Hello Beautiful - Not me hitting on you. It's the name of a movie.  ;) 
The History of Concrete - I'm unreasonably exited about this, and I've never seen John Wilson's show. (How To, With John Wilson) 
9 to 5: Back in select theaters on 9/25. (see what they did there?)
The Hole Truth and Nothing Butt - a documentary about the band the Butthole Surfers!
The Changeover System: A Projection Performance Installation - obviously this is at Sun-Ray. Way too artisty for AMC. It might be cool though. 

Matewan - The John Sayles movie from 1987 about the coal miners work stoppage of the 1920s. Will Oldham (Bonnie Prince Billy) is in it and will be doing a Q&A a few hours before this show that evening!)  I've had tickets for this since July.

Movies that are still out that might be worth your time but I'm NOT planning on seeing over the next week: 
If I Go, Will They Miss me
Buddy 
Don't Look Back in Anger
Practical Magic 2 
Hope 
Coyote vs Acme
Spider-Man: Brand New Day 
The Odyssey - yes, that's STILL out, and if you haven't seen it on the big screen, you should. 
The Weight
The Uprising

Have you seen any of these? Looking forward to any of them?  Other movies on your radar, but not mine? (Forgotten Island and the new Shaun the Sheep look like they might be fun.) 

***

What's going on with you? 

What are some of your favorite entries this week - from writers you've NEVER READ BEFORE? (they could be newbies or veterans from seasons you weren't in/don't remember!) 

I'll admit there's a newbie that I'm SUPER EXCITED about, to a ridiculous level. :D  I may actually write a Sidebar about her and some of her associates after the poll closes.  (Spoiler: She was the second ever IDOL BABY, born to a contestant who was actively playing Idol at the time! Second one born of that line. Second one to join a regular season of Idol. KFP was the first to join, as a little kid as part of Idol Minor, the kid's edition and then later a regular season. Hoping he will come back at some point!)  Late signup, so she wasn't in the poll, but she still wrote an entry! ) 





Prompt - Week 1 EXTRA/Non-Mandatory

Sep. 24th, 2026 05:28 am
clauderainsrm: (Default)
[personal profile] clauderainsrm posting in [community profile] therealljidol
 I was considering if I should put another prompt out there. No poll. 

Maybe with a Sidebar element to it.  But then I was thinking "Maybe I should just start Week 2, while Week 1 poll is still up".  There IS precedent for that. 

Followed of course by "or just leave everything like it is Gary.  You really need to be asleep! Not trying to make these decisions!" 

Ah, you're right voice in my head. I shouldn't be making these decisions! 
*looks over to the Wheel of Chaos*

  I spin it.  It lands on 1. So the first option. A non mandatory prompt, 


Idol Musings. (the first book) was a huge volume of some of the best entries from the first few seasons of LJ Idol. 

Idol Meanderings, the second volume, had that - plus some brand new, never before seen entries that were ONLY available in this volume!! 

I sent out 3 possible prompts that were never used before, or since. 

Taking a look at them, they all appear to be song titles!  :D 

This one was from the Hold Steady. 

Stuck Between Stations 

The non-mandatory and it doesn't count for/against anything deadline for this entry is the same as the poll:  therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1229460.html

Tuesday Sept 29th at 7pm ET. 

Have fun!

(it may not be mandatory, BUT only post your links here. Comments should go to the Green Room and/or the entries themselves!) 
adpazd: (Default)
[personal profile] adpazd
Last night, when I was sitting here on the porch playing my computer game, one of my neighbors came home. I've seen her a few times, saying hi or giving a smile and nod. But she asked me if I wanted some flowers. She's a florist and brought some of the flowers home. She said she sees me sitting out here regularly and thought I might like them. We chatted a bit and she's a really sweet girl. She also loves my flags and the stickers on my car. It was something I needed for an even better night.

The flowers that I got from my neighbor

Today, I'm sitting out on the porch again. It's so beautifully cool outside. I don't even need to put my fan on. I'm taking time to do some writing again (this here, actually). I shared the poll with a few friends/communities that I'm part of. Hubby is out getting the Birthday Boy his special lunch as well as lunch for the rest of us. Taco Bell. Not my favorite, but it's the one time I eat it without asking for another stop somewhere else. I'm taking bets on how many of the twelve-pack of tacos he'll have finished for lunch and how few will be left for dinner.

I got a bluetooth wireless speaker for outside on the porch. It's fairly powerful so I need to be careful about not having it up too loud. I love to listen to music or audio books when I'm sitting on the porch. I've chosen a YouTube Music mix that it made for me called "Theatrical Storytelling" - songs from musicals or movies that tell part of the story. I love musicals, though I don't get out to see them nearly as often as I'd like. Having this playlist gives me a list of the next musicals I need to see. (I've never seen the stage version of Wicked so that's at the top of my list. Hadestown is another one.) I'm also listening to the faint tinkle of the wind hitting my agate windchimes. They've faded so much in the last two years. But they still sound beautiful. And that's what matters most.

I smell rain on the air. I hope so. I love watching the rain if I don't have to go out into it. And I've got enough of a lip from the balcony above me that I can sit safely here with my laptop and enjoy the weather. The only thing missing (aside from the rain yet) is a vodka and Dr Pepper.

In Case You Didn't See It

Sep. 23rd, 2026 11:33 am
adpazd: (Default)
[personal profile] adpazd
The poll is up for LJ Idol, week one. If you liked my entry for the open topic, please consider voting for me.

Green Room - Week 1 - Day 9

Sep. 23rd, 2026 07:29 am
clauderainsrm: (Default)
[personal profile] clauderainsrm posting in [community profile] therealljidol
The first week doesn't really end, it just gains a poll!   therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1229460.html

Hopefully it's more of a positive "We have more time to read and vote" and less "grumble grumble where's the next prompt?" I'm sure there will be some of both of course! If you really want something to write though, write me something for my birthday! :) It's not an official prompt, or nor will it get it's own post. I think the only time I've ever done anything remotely like that is for Cynthia's birthday the first year we were together! So, why not do it for myself as well?

After that, I will put my name on all of your buildings!

        ***
There may be a few weeks like this between now and the end of the year. Where I know I won't be around to properly open/close the poll and make announcements, so I'll adjust the time. Hopefully it will result in more "longer weeks" than shorter ones.  To be candid, if I were to have this close before my birthday instead of the day after it, when I knew for a fact I'd be near a computer, it would probably be closing Friday afternoon.  Which, for a Week 1, is pretty short window. 

     ***

I just remembered hearing someone say the phrase "I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire" the other day.  My first instinct was to look around to see if my Grandfather was nearby. But he was not.  

This, of course, like it should do, led me to looking up how effective urine actually is to putting out fires. Which led me to this article firefighternow.com/is-urine-pee-flammable/, which is more about if urine is actually flammable, but also covers the effectiveness of urine in extinguishing fires. (Spoiler: it would work in a pinch for a very small fire.  So if a person was on fire, it probably wouldn't do very much to pee on them regardless of your personal feelings on their general existence.) 

Keep in mind that this guy is a trained firefighter, who took over from another firefighter, to run a website dedicated to helping other people become firefighters - and he took the time to write an article about "can my urine catch fire?"  *salutes* This is the America that we to experience more often. 

I did NOT however see how effective it is to "piss up a rope". I have my guesses, but I'd rather trust an expert on the subject. Maybe there's a rope maker with a website somewhere. Or a urologist. Or an urologist who makes rope in their spare time. Or even better, a ropemaker who is an urologist in their spare time!! 

      ***

What rabbit holes have you gone down lately and has a young British girl in a blue and white dress followed you despite you rather pointedly telling her that you were late and didn't have time for this sort of thing? 




Vote - Week 1

Sep. 22nd, 2026 10:58 pm
clauderainsrm: (Default)
[personal profile] clauderainsrm posting in [community profile] therealljidol
A few words from [personal profile] clauderainsrm:

It’s been 20 Years of LJ Idol and the halls have been filled with stories of times past, reunions and the forging of new friendships. It’s been absolutely great to see.

But today we start forging what THIS season is going to look like!

Take a look around. One of these people is the next LJ Idol winner. The rest of you are, at some point, going to be eliminated. That’s just the nature of the game. But you know what else is “the nature of the game”? Having fun while you are here, reading entries from talented writers and forging those relationships along the way. Oh, and of course, being kicked. My contract specifies that I need to remind you about the kickings. :)


It’s Week 1, so there is only going to be 1 person leaving us this time around. Which is the sort of thing that toward the end of the season people start grumbling with “More people should have left early on! This thing is taking forever!!” But seriously, it’s hard enough losing someone at this stage. Because we are just getting started, and someone has to go. It’s an unlucky break.

I have said though that the first 3 contestants (at least) eliminated will have a special role in this early stage of the season, impacting how it plays out. But let’s be honest, no one wants that. They want to stay in this and see how it plays out with prompts every week!

So, let’s get to it!

As I said, the contestant with the fewest votes will be eliminated.

Which means it’s up to YOU to Read, Comment and Vote for your favorites to stick around another week!!

(You can vote for as many entries as you feel like supporting. Putting that out there for the newbies)

It’s an extra-long time for a poll because it’s my birthday weekend and it was either going to be extra long, or very short. I opted for giving you more time to read!

The poll will be closing Tuesday Sept 29th at 7pm ET.

Good luck to everyone!


There was a late sign-up and this entry didn't make the poll (the bye still counts) but I would hate for anyone to miss it: https://prettybxrbiee.dreamwidth.org/614.html

The CORRECT link for [personal profile] ofearthandstars  is   https://ofearthandstars.dreamwidth.org/239230.html Obviously she will be not eligible for elimination due to this mistake. 
Poll #35107 ’Year20Week1’
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 67

Vote For Your Favorites!

[personal profile] acatwhowrites's entry
18 (26.9%)

[personal profile] adoptedwriter's entry
17 (25.4%)

[personal profile] adore's entry
16 (23.9%)

[personal profile] adpazd's entry
22 (32.8%)

[personal profile] alycewilson's entry
21 (31.3%)

[personal profile] annofowlshire's entry
23 (34.3%)

[personal profile] ashelterofpages's entry
21 (31.3%)

[personal profile] banana_galaxy's entry
17 (25.4%)

[personal profile] banyans_in_nola's entry
20 (29.9%)

[personal profile] bassicallytom's entry
14 (20.9%)

[personal profile] belgatherial's entry
18 (26.9%)

[personal profile] bittyjane's entry
18 (26.9%)

[personal profile] bleodswean's entry
20 (29.9%)

[personal profile] blue_mermaid's entry
15 (22.4%)

[personal profile] bsgsix's entry
25 (37.3%)

[personal profile] chasing_silver's entry
22 (32.8%)

[personal profile] commodityfetishx's entry
14 (20.9%)

[personal profile] connie's entry
18 (26.9%)

[personal profile] copyright1983's entry
20 (29.9%)

[personal profile] definitelyodette's entry
19 (28.4%)

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Thoughts on 18

Sep. 22nd, 2026 05:21 pm
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[personal profile] adpazd
As of tomorrow, there will be no children left in my home. BtY is turning 18.

I'm having a hard time with that thought. I think some of it is because, emotionally, he's about two years behind his physical age. He's starting to take on responsibility and understanding more like a 16 year old than an 18 year old. So for all that my brain acknowledges that he's going to be 18, my heart says, "No! He's my baby! He's not old enough to be considered an adult!"

We found out that BtY was on the autism wheel in the strangest way. In his Parents Day Out class, he was acting out, acting younger than his age. It was suggested that we bring him to someone for testing. And what we found, through Pediatric Rehab, was that he had Sensory Perception Disorder. (For those unfamiliar, it's a processing disorder where your brain doesn't accurately keep track of where you are in space, where you're more or less sensitive to textures... that kind of thing.) We took him to a local program called Regional Intervention Program, or RIP. It was to help both young children (think before school age) and their parents navigate behavior issues. I got a lot more out of it than BtY did. But I wouldn't trade that time for anything else.

When he started kindergarten, I already had his IEP in place. I'd requested DtE's teacher from kindergarten because I already had a report with her, and BtY knew her. She was great working with me to meet him where he could be. (All his teachers have been. I've been very lucky with the teachers my kids have had.) We found out that he had ADHD when he stabbed a classmate with a pencil. He didn't do it out of anger or to be mean. He just didn't yet have the capacity to pause before every action to decide if it was a good one. He was suspended for a day because of it (even though the principal understood, her hands were tied on this.) But we got him meds and things were a bit better.

It wasn't until his three year reevaluation for his IEP that Autism was even a thought. The school psychologist had to meet with him and, when we had the meeting, suggested we have him tested. She said she couldn't officially say that he was Autistic, she would lay odds that he was. She had difficulty getting him to engage (this was around his 9th birthday, and she tried to engage him with talk about his birthday), he refused to make eye contact... just a lot of little things.

We we able to get the diagnosis, partly through a study at Vanderbilt that dealt with ASD in children. They were looking at how pre-teens and teens handled going through puberty. And an advantage was they officially tested him. And learning more about it, I realize that I was probably neurodivergent as well. A lot of the things he'd do were the same I'd done as a child, before I learned how to handle things. But it gave us a place to start and it let us get accommodations for him. Sometimes officially, like being able to test alone in a room so he could fidget as he needed, sometimes unofficially, like his teachers that would let him sit under a table during class because he needed to be small.

For all of that, I still made a lot of mistakes with him. I let my anger get the better of me. I didn't accept that I needed to keep a closer eye on him to get things done than I'd ever had to with his sister. I over-punished. I apologized to him a lot, and tried to find a common ground. I just could never quite get there.

For the last year or two, I've noticed so much growth in him. Not "Hey, he can go live on his own any day now" (Hell, my 20 year old isn't there yet.) But he's starting to talk to me more. He's coming in to give me random hugs, which he never used to do. He's recognizing that he's got chores and that getting them done helps the whole family - and gets him allowance money. He's still struggling with getting school-work done. He's got a real aversion to asking for help or telling someone that he doesn't understand. But he's getting better with that too. He'll tell Hubby or DtE or I when he's having trouble with one of his assignments and we try to help him. (Though there are a lot of times when I have to remember "help" not "do for".) He just came out a little while ago to sweep the porch. Not for any real reason, though he said it was because his head hurt. Don't ask me, I don't always understand my kid! :)

So tomorrow, he's going to officially be an adult. Which means some phone calls to get him accounts on things that I had access to before but won't have access to once he's an adult. And he'll have the day to do what he wants - there are no live lessons because of professional development days. He still needs to do work, but he told me today that he was going to work hard on his work today so he didn't have as much for tomorrow. (The maturity, it comes!) And he'll get his box of tacos as his birthday dinner.

One of the joys of SPD and ASD is the limited pallet that he's got. It's gotten better over the years. It used to be only chicken nugget happy meals with chocolate milk. (And drinking lots of chocolate milk at home.) Over the years, he's tried new things and found that he enjoys them. Things like tacos without lettuce at Taco Bell, or his dad's tacos. And carrots. He'll eat a whole bag if given the chance. He used to like apples, but not so much anymore.

I'm so glad to see him continuing to grow. I'm glad that he's reaching adulthood without me ending up in jail or insane. But there's still the part of me that remembers him as my baby, my little Cranky Tomato. And yeah, he'll always be my baby. But somehow... this just feels different.
talonkarrde: (Default)
[personal profile] talonkarrde

Hi, friends!

I'm back in Idol, and I'm very glad to see a lot of familiar faces, and just as happy to see a lot of unfamiliar faces that I look forward to getting to know and read.

I'm usually a speculative fiction short story writer, but I figured I'd start off this season with something a little bit different, both in terms of topic and approach. Usually, I write an entry, post a link to it at exactly (or after) the deadline, and then walk away from it forever. For this entry, though, I wanted to do something different, and invite comments and questions, because I think dialogue and discussion are important, and I think that people are approaching it from very different angles and understandings. I don't expect everyone to agree with me - if anything, I would be shocked if that happens - but I do hope that people learn something from it. So without further ado, let's bring forth (with thanks to John Scalzi) a fictional interlocutor for this conversation:

Oh hey. So you're writing for Idol, cool. What are you thinking of?

I was thinking of writing about AI, actually.

Oh. That's definitely not a controversial topic that people have extremely strong feelings about. Why this instead of literally anything else?

I think it's a pretty important topic, and I think it's going to impact all of our lives soon. I am not unbiased: I recently started at one of the frontier AI companies, in fact. However, I'm not here to tell you to use it, or here to defend it, exactly. But I think in order to have meaningful conversations, reasonable minds should be working on the same facts.

Okay, I'm sure someone is thinking this right now: was this post written with AI?

No, and I'll go into a bit more of that later, but I think it's an important question. None of my entries will be written with or edited with AI.

Probably. Maybe we should start with the basics: what is AI?

This feels like a weirdly hard question, which is maybe why I feel like society doesn't do it well. We live in a time when context is really hard and nuance is nonexistent, and trying to communicate what the technology is feels both like describing an elephant whilst blind and, I dunno, impossibly reductive, at the same time.

I'm going to keep this as high level as possible, but dive a bit more into the specifics if people ask for it in comments. The highest level (while trying to keep it useful) is that what we talk about when we say 'AI' refers to large mathematical models that have been given a staggering amount of information (we call this 'pretraining'), and then trained to produce outputs that we want (this is fine-tuning/post-training). In pretraining, the goal is to give it all the information it can, and then let the model establish/identify connections between the things that it's given, primarily by having it guess the next word that comes in a sequence, trillions of times.

That's pretty abstract; to ground it a bit, the simplest version of a model thinks of sun as a concept as probably close to warm and light, and is probably not very related to wisdom or algebra... but possibly has a slight association due to some mythological stories about sun gods and wisdom. But it's more complex than this: it's not just about word associations, because with enough data, the model is not just making word maps but also can parse/weigh structures like grammar or patterns of argument. Concepts - words, grammar, ideas - are encoded mathematically with 'weights', and those weights symbolize their associations with other words. The more you feed it, the more 'accurate' the weights are.

Pretraining means a model gets weights, sure. And then it's done?

Not quite. After the pretraining phase, you have a model that has weights... but that, it turns out, is not very helpful to actually solving problems or doing anything. If you ask it 'what is the Senate'? A model that has only been through pretraining may answer any number of ways - it might give you an answer, or it might respond with 'what is the House?', because those might be equally likely outputs. After pretraining, there's then a process to effectively 'teach' the model how it should respond, both by giving it samples of good questions and answers ('supervised learning'), as well as by going through tests and grading it as it gets closer to good outcomes ('reinforcement learning'). So you can imagine giving it examples of what a person might ask and good answers to those questions, as well as having it take tests and grading its responses better as they get closer to the answer.

After you have done this post-training process, the model is 'complete', and will respond the way that you trained it to. So to summarize: A model gets pretrained on as much data as possible, generates weights for everything it's seen, and then is post-trained to do what people want it to do. AI models are everywhere, most of them are specialized for their tasks: spam filtering, anti-fraud from your bank, ad-targeting, machine vision for self-driving cars, etc. But most of what dominates the conversation are these 'general purpose' AI models, or an AI that can do anything you ask it to.

So... AI is fancy autocomplete?

I think this is a basic misunderstanding. In some sense, yes, you could probably describe a model that is only pretrained as 'fancy autocomplete', but the general AI models in the world are far more advanced than that. If there's one takeaway, I think it's that philosophically, saying 'oh AI is just math' is kind of like saying 'oh, human sentience is just neurons firing chemicals at each other' - it's strictly true but does not describe or provide any understanding of what happens at the aggregate level.

Why doesn't it understand how many rs are in strawberry, or that you can't walk to a car wash if you want to get your car cleaned? Why does it hallucinate?

The strawberry example is a great example of how it processes information (by tokenizing words), and how those errors seem extremely simple to us... but are a poor reflection of its capabilities. It doesn't 'think' the way we do, and it doesn't do what a person does in terms of reasoning. And so it makes what looks to us are really dumb mistakes, because the way that it gets to answers is closer to 'this sort of looks like the past' instead of 'this is logic' - the way that we would logic it out. It's trained to produce plausible text, not reason absolutely like we are.

Here's another way of thinking about it: all of the answers it gives are probabilistic instead of deterministic - it doesn't know anything for sure, but instead is guessing based on its picture of the world.

Wait, so no one should use it for anything at all! How is it making strides in solving previously unsolved math problems ... why is anyone using it if it's just a guessing machine? There seems to be a lot of use in software engineering.

For three reasons. First of all, it turns out that if your models are good enough, your outputs are going to be pretty good. The obviously scifi thought experiment is this: if you could simulate every single atom in the entire universe, you could just run a simulation of the universe, and as long as you had access to that simulation, you would be able to predict and control every event. We're obviously not there yet, but the models are good enough to give reasonable outputs to a large variety of things. But more importantly, for many things (like, say, writing emails) a good enough guess is more than good enough.

The second answer is that fundamentally, the models are better when they create output that can be checked, and so unsurprisingly they're extremely efficient and effective at code, because there are quantitative ways of judging code: does it run? Does each individual element do what you want it to (unit tests)? Does the overall outcome look like what you want it to look like? For math, proofs can be checked similarly, and so every time it comes up with something potentially right but wrong, it can be checked and rejected.

The third answer is a matter of resources: if one AI has a 5% chance of getting it wrong, that's pretty bad! But you can assign another agent to error check the first one - take the first agent's outputs and ask it whether it's correct - you catch a number of those errors. Increasingly, especially for complex tasks, it's no longer one agent doing everything, but a team of agents that splits up the task, error checks at multiple levels, and then returns the outcome to you.

Wait, you didn't address that thing you were going to come back to - why aren't you writing entries with AI?

Because I want to communicate with intent, and because (perhaps this entry aside), I want to create art. I think that art is about human intent. To me, AI should be used to push forward the boundaries of math and science (and especially if it can cure diseases, or compress research, or make our lives better). I think AI should do what AI is good at. But AI - at least in its current state - does not 'think'. It does not create by itself with the goal of communicating. I believe that the value of art is that a human being wants to communicate something to the world. And I think the line to be drawn is one of choice: an artist's choices are what make art the way it is, whether it is the arrangement of words in a poem or the brushstrokes on a canvas or the brush size in digital art or the framing and shutter speed of a photograph. In the way it's typically used, there are no such choices in AI generated content, and that makes it Not Art to me. It's not to say that it can't be beautiful, or even evoke feelings like the best art, but that doesn't make it art to me, and that's not what I want to present to you.

Okay, that was kind of a lot.

Yeah, sorry. And this is the short version - I haven't talked about alignment (everything from Skynet to making paperclips, to AI hacking other companies). I haven't talked about the wider concerns about geopolitics that exist right now. I haven't talked about the commercialization, or the potential societal impact, or any of that. There's so much to talk about, everything from philosophy of mind to socioeconomics, from how technology advances to what we should do about it. But here's where I want to ask you what you think, what you'd like to know, and what you're scared about.

Let's talk about it.

music is life

Sep. 22nd, 2026 03:41 pm
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[personal profile] essoku
I wove my way through the mass of sweaty twentysomethings, dodging the whisper-shouts of leering strangers and the slosh of drinks held high. The room seemed to thrum with nervous energy, emanating waves of raucous laughter, jerky dance moves, and barely recognizable pop songs. I needed some air.

The door loomed ahead, and I finally shouldered the panic bar and escaped into the night. The cacophony I’d left behind softened as the heavy door sealed me away, soothing my ears with nothing louder than the soft hum of traffic a few streets away.

After the crush of bodies and booze, the street was blissfully empty. A soft rain played with the light, reflecting the neon tints of the bar’s OPEN sign on the dull gray concrete beneath my feet. I ducked under a small black awning and began to dig through my purse for a cigarette. I’d quit the daily habit, but I still couldn’t resist a clove when I was drinking.

The music and laughter swelled again, briefly escaping the tiny karaoke bar as the door opened to release a bubbly redhead with a sparkling blue top and matching glitter around her eyes. She glanced left and right as she stepped out, brightened, and joined me under my awning.

“Heyla!”

“Uh, hey,” I replied, giving her a wan smile.

“I’m Bekah,” she told me, lifting a Marlboro Red to her lips and fishing out a lighter.

“Erin,” I told her, lighting my clove.

“Erin! First time doing karaoke?” Her eyes were bright with excitement, with none of the glassy detachment I’d noticed in most of the bar’s patrons.

I blanched. “First time at a karaoke bar, anyway,” I told her. “I don’t think I’m ready for… all of this.”

She laughed, leaning against the wall and taking a long drag. “It’s… a lot. We can be a lot. But it’s all in good fun.”

I studied her for a moment, weighing my words and tone.

“Honestly… I get overwhelmed. There’s too much happening in there - so much noise, so many conversations, all the jostling and jockeying and braying laughter. I just had to get out of there.”

She nodded soberly. “Sensory overload. I totally get that.” She took another drag of the cigarette. “It’s like you’re getting clobbered from every direction. You feel like you’re turning into a twitching ball of ouch and ack and a hearty what the fuck. You find yourself getting panicky and angry because you want to protect yourself and you can’t.”

I blinked. This woman didn’t strike me as the type to seek solitude. She seemed like she would thrive in chaos.

“Yeah,” I admitted at last. “My fight or flight mode kicked in.”

“It happens to me, too,” she assured me. “Sometimes this place is just too much. But I’ve noticed that if I’m part of the noise, it doesn’t hit me so hard.”

“If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?”

“More like take what you need, and leave the rest,” she replied, stubbing out her cigarette. “I try to embrace the things that help me, and then give myself the permission to take a step back when something won’t be good for my state of mind. Smoke breaks help.”

“And karaoke is good for your state of mind?”

She laughed then, the sound bubbling up from somewhere deep within. “We always say music is life, but karaoke is oxygen. So I’d say it’s even broader than my state of mind. I’m pretty sure half my body and a good 97% of my psyche runs on karaoke.”

I pondered that for a moment.

“What powers the other 3% of your psyche?”

She grinned. “Making new friends, obviously. And reading. Oh! And cheese!”

I flicked the spent clove into a puddle, listening to the soft hiss of rain extinguishing its cherry.

“You’re going to try to get me to sing now, aren’t you?”

Her laughter bubbled up again. “Only a little. My goal is to be a shameless enabler, not an oppressor.” She popped the cap off a tube of chapstick, and the scent of Cherry Coke wafted over as she smoothed it over her lips.

“Honestly, you looked overwhelmed when you went outside, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. All the regulars here are pretty great, but we get the occasional random douchecanoe. I love this place too much to let jerks chase off the good people.”

I frowned. “How do you know I’m good people?”

“I’ve been making new friends for a long time,” she told me, nodding sagely. “I have a sixth sense about these things.”

I smiled in spite of myself. “I didn’t know you were so wise!”

She grinned, hooking her arm in mine. “Most people never notice, and that’s just fine by me. Ready to go back in?”

I exhaled, and realized that I actually was ready. “I think so. What are the odds they have some good duets in that song binder?”

Bekah’s eyes went wide, somehow even brighter than before. “Your odds are fantastic. Let’s go pick one.”

* * * * *

A few years ago, I offered to write a blurb for each friend who commented on a post, introducing them as if they were a character in a novel I wrote. I worked my way through many, but ultimately paused, stumped, when I got to my sister, Bekah. I couldn’t see a way to layer in every aspect of who she was to me, and I couldn’t bear to crank out something that felt flat when everything about her was so vibrant.

My sister died four years ago, having never gotten her own novel intro. She loved Idol and the community and creativity it brought to our lives, so it felt fitting to introduce her here. We miss you, blueashke.

coming home again

Sep. 22nd, 2026 12:44 pm
connie: (Default)
[personal profile] connie
I had thought that sorting through your possessions and parting ways with some of the unused, unneeded, or unloved detritus of your old home was a pretty universal part of the process of moving, but my parents didn’t do this when they moved from their first house to their second. I know this for a fact because years later, when I went back for what would be the first of several clear-outs of their basement storage room, I unearthed a distinctive maroon toilet seat stashed away in a dusty plastic shopping bag. That maroon perfectly matched one of the toilets in their old house but none in the new. And if you haven’t discarded a mismatched used toilet seat when moving house, you haven’t let go of anything else either; you can’t convince me otherwise.

When my parents moved from their second house to their third, their process was entirely different. Although they wouldn’t leave until December, by the time my sister and I arrived in early August for the storage room’s final clear-out, their house was almost entirely devoid of furniture. I slept on an air mattress in the basement because they had already sold my childhood bed and transformed their former guest room into a stack of plastic tubs, packed and waiting more than four months before their departure. The matching sofa, loveseat, armchair, and ottoman set had vanished from their living room, and the remaining seating options teetered toward absurdity: I let my pregnant sister sit in the hulking massage chair and perched myself on a creaky red folding chair from the early 90s.

When I visited my parents in their new house this summer, more than half a year after their move, it quickly became clear that their year of living in an increasingly-empty home had solidified into a lingering aversion for furniture. The combined living room and dining area contained only a ping pong table. The family room featured the massage chair, which had of course made the cross-country move with them, and a new two-seater couch. Since they expected me to be their most frequent visitor, we agreed that I would select the furniture for their new guest room; but after I picked out a bed frame and nightstands, a mattress and sheets, they declared the furnishing complete. I made the case for seating and a surface, so they filled out the room with a folding table and, bewilderingly, that uncomfortable red folding chair from the 90s, which had somehow survived their many rounds of aggressive culling.

Well over a decade ago, around the time I discovered the maroon toilet seat in the house after its matching toilet, I went through a minimalism phase of my own. The ensuing years have filled my home again, a gradual accumulation of carefully chosen items that eventually stuffed every shelf. These days, the residual traces of my minimalism phase can mostly be felt in the way I pack for travel. For the seven weeks I spent away from home this summer, in climates ranging from the heat of July to the chill of interior Alaska, I brought only a single carry-on plus a tote. This confluence of my packing style and my parents’ nearly-empty house meant that I spent weeks unconsciously acclimating to an almost-eerie sensory calm.

By the time I landed back in New York, exhausted from 16 hours of travel and bleary-eyed after a sleepless red-eye flight, the everyday morning bustle of the city I’ve called home for almost two decades was enough to send my senses spiraling into overload. Navigating from the plane through the airport to the airtrain and then the subway before walking the last blocks home felt like finding my way through a complex choreography of mazes. Years of experience allowed me to execute each step flawlessly, and somehow that felt like evidence that I belonged here. Still, I felt a visceral empathy for how confusing and overwhelming this city must be to someone who knows it less intimately. When, two hours after touching down, I at last stepped into my apartment for the first time in seven weeks, even seeing my own carefully-curated, much-loved possessions felt jarring and overstimulating.

Of course it takes time to settle back in at home, to unpack my bags and get over the jet lag and fill my empty fridge. But I hadn’t bargained for the process of readjusting my senses to the overwhelm of plenty, my executive functioning to the paradox of choice. I love my home and the things I’ve filled it with, and yet coming home again has felt strange, a little uneasy, like trying to slot a subtly changed self into the contours of a season already departing. But it gets easier day by day, when I spread the fall gingham tablecloth over the dining table, when I wipe the dust from my desk, when I pull my oracle cards off the bookshelf and unfurl my yoga mat over the rug. Little by little, I reconnect with the details that make this home my home; I savor the abundance that makes this life my life.

[community profile] therealljidol year 20, week 1: open topic

hello

Sep. 22nd, 2026 12:43 pm
connie: (Default)
[personal profile] connie
It was the ghost of my younger self who convinced me to return to this old haunt.

She was half my age, and she wanted nothing more than to be a word-weaver, a meaning-maker. I reread her searing compositions, and they felt unfathomably removed from anything I could now access within myself. It struck me that my oldest language — language itself — had grown clumsy from disuse, and that whatever traces of fluency or artistry I still retain are not inborn gifts but the lingering fruits of her earnest efforts.

So here I am. Not to compete, but to practice. To earn fluency for my future self.

[community profile] therealljidol year 20, sign up / week 0: introduction

Green Room - Week 1 - Day 8

Sep. 22nd, 2026 12:09 am
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[personal profile] clauderainsrm posting in [community profile] therealljidol
 For the newbies, and veterans who are relearning everything as we get going most weeks aren't going to be as long as this one has been/is going to be.  Everyone needs time to get up to speed though. 

I just realized that for people who don't know this "Week" not even starting the poll until Day 8 is probably kind of weird.  :) 

Hopefully a few more people will use this time to sign up: therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1219874.html     and everyone else will use the time to make sure they have their entries in! https://therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1224892.html

After all, right now we still have 30 people or so who haven't posted yet! Which is another reason (if you are already done and are waiting) it's good to read ahead, That way you are ready for those 30+ entries when they come in! 

      ***

This should probably be a Sidenote, but it's just going to be a "remember when?"  The polls were bigger than LJ polls would allow, so I had to break them up into smaller groupings. The FIRST time this happened was a complete surprise and I had to scramble to figure out how to do that. I immediately came up with the idea of "Tribes", and person from each of them was going to be eliminated.  The next version of that involved the lowest vote-getters for the first round (that survived the poll) becoming the "Team Captain" to select who they wanted in a schoolyard pick. That way the "less powerful" ended up having the most influence in that moment and, in theory, could gain some goodwill and/or more attention. 

My favorite version of the tribes though is when I was getting frustrated with all the last minute entries! So I put something in place that used the tribe format that also helped in that capacity. I gave the first "tribe" to have ALL their entries posted IMMUNITY for that week. None of them were being eliminated.  :D   I've got to say that for the time it lasted, people were actually posting their writing much sooner on average.  :)  Of course that also put the people on tribes with one of our famed "last minute" posters at a disadvantage. But it was an interesting experiment, from my perspective. 

I'll probably talk about more of that stuff at some point. But I was just thinking about it. 

***

Speaking of polls, there are going to be additions, changes and in general some bumps especially for the first few polls. I appreciate your patience. I'll get them posted as soon as I can. 

*** 

I did make a promise to a long time supporter that unlike in the past (when I'd only do it a few times a season, I would post more reminders about the Patreon! But I won't do that while a poll is up. So again, here is the link for anyone who wants it and for those who don't, please keep scrolling. Cut and pasted from the FAQ.  

"I DO have a Patreon  https://www.patreon.com/c/u70027  Rewards have varied over the years, the one right now is feeling good about yourself AND exemption from being attacked by the mostly trained rabid pack of wolves that has been known to wander through Dreamwidth. Also invisibility to bears.  (Note: That last one has not been tested)  


If you want to drop something in the hat before, during or after the season - my email is clauderainsrm@gmail.com you can use that in PayPal/Venmo/Cash App/Zelle.  The rewards for that are pretty similar to the Patreon ones.  Except you are ONLY safe from bears riding unicycles wearing little pointy clown hats. "


And yes, it is pretty weird that other people are more invested in reminding people of the various ways to support keeping Idol going. But probably not all that surprising. I'm pretty bad about that sort of thing! If I promise someone something though, I try my best to do it. Which is why they made me actually promise them.  :) 





    ***

How is your week going? I'm up far too late again. I left work early. Came back to the apartment and immediately went to sleep for 4 1/2 hours. Woke up, had a salad, watched Lanterns,, logged on to read some of that Idol history I'd been asked to check out, and then logged back onto work for a couple hours. Now this, and very soon, hopefully more going to bed until I have to get up to repeat the process! 

Green Room - Week 1 - Day 7

Sep. 21st, 2026 09:07 am
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[personal profile] clauderainsrm posting in [community profile] therealljidol
 The deadline to both the first prompt AND to sign up for this season is TOMORROW at 7PM ET:   therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1224892.html  and  therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1219874.html

A
s of the moment I'm typing this, there are 95 comments but 2 of those (Darlena and Fully) are tentative!  I know of at least one person who will wait until the very last second to post his intent. So that's 93, maybe 94.   IF we have over 100 contestants for the season, there will be 3 byes. If we have under that, there will be 2. 

So, drag your old Idol friends into the mix! Drag your new friends in!  Use this as an example to others that if they DON'T want to be dragged behind your car, that maybe they should just sign up!!
                                                            ***

Movies I watched this weekend (because I know you were on the edge of your seat wondering): 

Steel Magnolias - I'd somehow never saw it before. I thought that I had, because it always seemed so familiar. But there is no way that I wouldn't have remembered that movie!! (it's back in theatres because of Dolly's death) 

TEST -  This was part of the TIGLFF festival. I had to look that up, and now I'm going to look up what that actually stands for - 
Ah, that makes sense Tampa Bay International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival.   I knew it was something like that.  Three things I learned from this - (1) This movie was incredible. People should see it (2) Competitive body building makes even less sense as something people do than it did before I saw this movie  (3) TIGLFF audiences will "WOO!!!" and giggle like middle school kids at any and every sex scene.  They are equal opportunity "WOO"ers, which is nice. 

If I Go, Will They Miss Me:  Yeah. Not even sure how to describe it other than "Go see it" 

Hope - Second time seeing it. Even better on the rewatch in a lot of ways. Probably because the parts that people online were getting confused about seem to be pretty well spelled out and now that I can see how they were set up, I'm able to answer some of them!  Although they changed at least 3 words of dialogue in the translation between the sneak preview and release. It helped clarify a couple point and changed a character's direct reference to the name of the movie to an indirect one. :)  I'm sure people had thought it was cheesy, but I hadn't minded it. 

The Musical - The dedication at the very end of the credits was "To our theatre teachers - who taught us the power of spite!"  That pretty much sums up this movie. Dark. Funny. Maybe not as dark or funny as it could have gone given the subject manner. But just enough of both for me to enjoy it.  There is zero chance this movie will be in theaters next week, I'm kind of shocked it's in them at all, much less mainstream ones. 

  ***
What did YOU do this weekend?
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